Overcoming Social Anxiety — Why Exposure Works

If you're one of the 8-13% of those living in Canada with social anxiety, you know how deeply it can affect every corner of your life.

Simple things—like attending a meeting, chatting with a friend, or even ordering coffee—can feel overwhelming. The fear of being judged, making a mistake, or not knowing what to say can feel paralyzing. Social anxiety doesn’t just make you nervous—it can lead to isolation, missed opportunities, and a constant inner dialogue of self-doubt. It can affect so many aspects of ones life including intimate relationships, friendships, work, school, etc.

If this is your experience, you’re not alone. I know how hard it can be to carry that fear day after day—and how tempting it is to avoid the things that trigger it. Like avoiding that day of work to get out of meeting with teammates.

But there is hope. And things can get better.

Avoidance Feels Safe—But It Keeps Anxiety Alive

If you struggle with social anxiety, you’ve probably felt the temporary relief of canceling plans, avoiding eye contact, or steering clear of difficult conversations. In the moment, that avoidance brings a sense of control and safety.

But here’s the catch: avoidance actually reinforces anxiety.

The more we avoid something, the scarier it becomes. It sends a message to our brain that the situation is infact dangerous or unmanageable and something we need to escape from. Over time, our world becomes smaller, and our confidence takes a hit.

So what’s the alternative?

Exposure: A Gentle, Evidence-Based Way Forward

Exposure is a structured, gradual way to face the things that make you anxious—on purpose. Instead of avoiding, you slowly approach your fears in a planned and supported way. Over time, this teaches your brain something powerful:

“I can handle this.”

Here’s how exposure therapy helps:

✅ It challenges anxious thoughts by testing them in real life.

✅ It builds confidence in your ability to cope—even when discomfort shows up.

✅ It reduces anxiety through repetition and experience, not avoidance.

Exposure therapy is a well-established, evidence-based treatment for social anxiety, with research consistently showing significant improvements in symptoms. By gradually and intentionally facing feared situations, we start to learn that we can tolerate discomfort and that the feared outcomes in our minds are often unlikely or manageable. Over time, exposure therapy can lead to reduced anxiety, increased confidence, and greater freedom to engage in meaningful social experiences, meaning that you can slowly and gradually get your life back, a life that is not driven by the avoidance of anxiety.

How to Do Exposure Effectively

You don’t need to start with your scariest fear. In fact, effective exposure works best when it’s done with care and intention. Here are some key principles:

• Planned and Predictable – Know what you’re doing and why.

• Relevant to Your Fears – Focus on situations that actually trigger your anxiety.

• Challenging but Doable – It should feel uncomfortable, not impossible.

• Safe – Exposure should never put you in real harm—just social discomfort.

• Gradual Progression – Start small and build over time.

• Frequent Practice – The more often you do it, the more effective it becomes.

• Stay in the Moment – Allow yourself to experience the anxiety fully, and let it pass.

• Drop Safety Behaviours – Avoid crutches like avoiding eye contact or overpreparing.

• Be Patient – Progress is gradual. Setbacks are normal.

• Celebrate Small Wins – Every brave step counts.

Final Thoughts

Social anxiety can make you feel like you’re trapped behind a wall—watching life happen on the other side. But that wall isn’t permanent. With support, practice, and compassion for yourself, you can start to dismantle it—brick by brick.

You don’t have to do it all at once. And you don’t have to do it alone.Whether you’re just beginning to acknowledge your social anxiety or already working through it in therapy, you’re already making progress.

You deserve to take up space. To be heard. To connect.

If you’re ready to explore exposure-based strategies in a safe, supportive space, I’d be honored to walk alongside you.

If you're ready to take that first step toward feeling more confident and less restricted by anxiety, I’d be honored to walk alongside you.

🌿 Book a free, no-pressure 15-minute consultation to see how we can work together to help social anxiety feel less limiting—and life feel more like yours again.

Book here